Beryl Of The Sun
by Akktri
Summary: A decade after their arrival in the world of Dungeons and Dragons, our heroes continue their quest for home.


It was winter when the strangers arrived. The snow was knee deep, the winds bitterly cold, and we had close to zero protection against the biting chill.

Clad only in a tunic, robe, tights and elf boots, I shivered as we trudged through a snowbank.

We were crossing a desolate tundra, stubbled with large slow covered boulders, dead tree stumps and weeds sheathed in sleeves of ice.

As usual, we were searching for a way home, following the vague and confusing directions of our mysterious guide, the Dungeon Master.

With DM, it's never a straight path, and we had no idea what kind of detour we'd be facing this time around, nor whom we'd be meeting over the rise of the next hill.

"Through the mouth of the Frozen Giant lay the path of dreams," I heard Eric moan through chattering teeth. "That midget tells us nothing but lies and half truths. We're going to be human popsicles before we even find the place."

Dressed in a thin yellow tunic and leggings, with a shield in one hand and a chain mail shirt slung over his shoulder, I didn't blame him for complaining. He voiced the doubts we all were feeling.

I still couldn't believe how old he looked. When the bony long faced boy with the unkempt brown hair arrived in this world, he was barely in his teens. Now he was twenty one.

How much time had passed?

What month was it, for that matter?

We celebrated birthdays on the spur of the moment. Sometimes it doubled as Christmas.

I glanced back at the freckle faced redhead with the swollen belly.

Green tunic, shorts. Cape. She was not dressed for winter.

"My legs are numb," she complained.

"I told you a pregnant woman shouldn't be going on these batshit quests!" Eric shouted. "But did you listen to me? Noo!"

She wrapped her blue cloak around her body for warmth, turning the entire middle of her body invisible. "So maybe I don't want to get bled out by leeches in some filthy witchdoctor's hut when I'm giving birth! Did you ever think about that?"

For a moment, he was rendered speechless. He always did have a gripe about the barbaric medical practices of this world, dentists in particular.

At last, he said, "My grandpa always said, `It's not what you want that makes you fat, it's what you get!'"

"Are you saying I'm fat!"

"No, I'm saying that baby is going to come, no matter where you are, and I can almost guarantee we're going to be chiseling your little bundle of joy out of a block of ice!"

Her boyfriend Hank rubbed her shoulders and held her close, but didn't disagree with what Eric said. If it were up to him, Sheila would have still been resting in an upper room in Hawk Scarab, a sleepy little village more than a dozen miles away.

"I'll stay with you," he had told her. "The others can go ahead. If they find a way home, they can come back for us."

"That's sweet, but I know how these things work. If you're not there when that portal opens, you're screwed."

"And if you have your baby on the way to our destination, we're all going to be screwed," Eric countered, but she stubbornly refused to stay behind.

Her blonde boyfriend was the warmest dressed of all of us. Although he basically had on a yellow Robin Hood costume, His boots had a reasonable length and thickness, his leather armor an almost adequate coat.

Our unicorn, Uni, whiffled in my ear, nibbling on my hair. A boy in bearskin briefs, harness and a Viking helmet laughed at me.

Robert was just asking for hypothermia in that outfit.

The pearl white stallion used to be the size of a Cocker Spaniel. Now it could practically crush you if it toppled the wrong way. Its bright orange mane tumbled down the back of its neck in flowing waves.

The boy had offered Sheila a ride on its back, but it turns out the stereotypes about unicorns are true. Only virgins can ride them.

Now in his teens, the boy looked like a young Conan the Barbarian. He used to remind me of Bam Bam from the Flintstones in that type of outfit. Not anymore.

A young woman with chocolate colored skin and long curly hair marched past me in her fur bikini. Speaking of hypothermia.

Instead of shivering, though, she said, "I'm hot."

"Are you freaking kidding me!" Eric shouted. "It's damn near two below and you're saying you're hot?"

"I was actually comfortable until the wind died down."

"You're nuts!"

Diana, it seemed, was becoming more of an Amazon warrior every day.

This place does some strange things to your body, your metabolism, your mind.

After all the ordeals we've faced, we've all become tanned, lean, muscular, even. Some more than others.

That being said, Diana _did_ admit that white people got cold too easy.

"I wish I had your hot blood," I muttered.

She rubbed my shoulders. "Would you like me to warm you?"

I swallowed, feeling the temperature of my face and ears already increasing.

I think she chose me because her only two choices were The Jerk and Bam Bam. If we ever settled down somewhere, and she met a real man, say, maybe a _good looking black man_, it'd be all over.

"Diana," I stammered awkwardly. "I'm not sure we should, I mean, I'm not saying I wouldn't like it, but-"

She silenced my nervous objection with a wild kiss that nearly sucked the air out of me.

She pulled away with a laugh, leaving me gasping for breath.

"Presto, I love you."

How easily she said those words! Like a joke, almost. The tone was like what you'd use when talking to a dumb puppy dog.

"So do I," I said in barely a whisper.

"What?" she said.

Didn't hear it.

"I said thanks, I feel warmer already."

Diana chuckled, as if she had only been pretending not to hear.

I cared for her just like everyone in our little group, but did I love her? Or was this a temporary infatuation?

Regardless, I _did_ feel warmer.

A mile later, the tundra rose at an angle, sloping upwards.

"Yo, Cave Boy," Eric chattered. "Take your white horse and go get me a bear pelt. Don't worry about cleaning it. Right now I'm so fucking cold I'm willing to wear its guts around my neck."

"You didn't say please," Robert frowned.

"You mean you'd actually do it?"

"...Maybe. If you told me where I can find a bear."

"Please and thank you, dear sir! My gajones have icicles hanging off of them. If you could find me something nice like a bear pelt, I'd truly appreciate it!"

"Presto," said Sheila. "Can't you reach into that hat of yours and pull out something warm?"

My magic cap. Right now it was only keeping my head warm, and the warmth was anything but magical.

I could theoretically pull anything out of it with the right words, but I never had the right words. It didn't come with a spellbook, and I couldn't conjure up a replacement copy, either.

Sighing, I said, "I can try."

I took off my hat, mumbling random syllables, deliberately slurring them in hopes that I'd accidentally say the right thing to the gods and goddesses of this strange world and get what I really wanted.

I pulled out a gold ring with a diamond on it.

By now I was used to seeing magic rings, so I examined the object for curse runes, invisibility spells, flame protection hexes, warmth spells...nothing.

"What's that, Presto?" Diana asked.

"Uh..." I stammered, offering it to her for examination.

She let out a delighted squeal and hugged me.

"Oh, Presto! Of course I'll marry you!"

Instantly I flushed red all over with embarrassment.

"Seriously?" I muttered in dismay.

She kissed me. "Yes. Seriously."

Sometimes I think that hat only listens to my subconscious.

"Congratulations," I heard Bobby saying behind me. "I don't have rice, so this will have to do!"

I turned just in time to see handfuls of snow flying at me.

I threw a clump back at him, and it devolved into a snowball fight.

"Cool it, you guys!" Eric shouted as a snowball pelted him. "Cut that shit out! I'm already about to lose my toes!"

"He's right," said Sheila. "We need to keep going before we freeze to death."

"Let me try one more time," I said, mumbling another made up spell.

The hat produced a silver package of glove warmers. Little packages of fiberglass beans that somehow warmed when exposed to the outside air. It seemed like magic to me.

I'd never seen such a thing before, so I had to read the package and give it to Sheila once I figured it out.

"Maybe you could put those in your boots," I suggested.

She did just that. Borrowing a dagger from Hank, she opened it and dropped a pair of white bags into each boot.

"C-check if there's a coat in there," said Eric.

I tried again, but all I got was a road flare.

"All right!" he grinned, snatching it out of my hands.

He twisted it and set it off, and for a few minutes he was actually content, rubbing his hands against the warm cylinder as blinding phosphor sparks showered the snow around us.

As a courtesy, I tried to get something for Robert, but all I got was a shiny red apple, which Uni nearly bit off my fingers trying to eat before I let go of it.

The slope turned into a hill, then a mound of rock.

When we had climbed up a rock shelf, and across another, Sheila suddenly doubled over in pain, clutching her stomach.

"No!" she whispered. "Not here! Anywhere but here!"

Hank steadied her. "Are you okay?"

She straightened and nodded. "I think I need to lay down, that's all."

"It's not the warmers, is it?"

"No. I don't think they're even working."

I took my hat off, but she waved dismissively. "Don't worry about it, unless you can pull a bed out of there."

"This isn't a good place," said Hank. "I told you, you should have stayed in the Finch Nest. You had a blanket and a fire."

Robert rode to the front of the line. "I'll look for a cave."

He glanced back at Eric. "And if there's a bear, you'll be the first to know."

The barbarian galloped off.

"Hey!" Eric yelled. "Ixnay on the ear bay! Just forget I said anything!"

We stopped, dusting off some rocks so Sheila could sit down.

Two more attempts with my hat only resulted in a book on Indian fire building, and a nasty looking root, the purpose of which I knew absolutely nothing.

Diana seated herself on a pile of snow on the rock I'd been sitting on. "So who's going to marry us?" she asked. "A priest? A justice of the peace?"

"I was hoping for a rabbi," I said.

"You're not going to find any of that in this dump," Eric muttered. "You might as well have the midget marry you."

My new fiancee and I stared at each other. "DM?"

We both thought about it for a moment, then shook our heads.

"It's perfect," said Diana. "He's always around, he likes to give speeches, he..."

"He's absolutely nuts," said Eric. "He'll probably give you a wine glass that makes the world end when you stomp on it. Or a cake with a dragon inside. Or maybe all our wedding guests will be orcs and they'll try to kill us when we go to get refreshments. Only a nimwit would ask him to preside!"

Before we could continue this conversation, the boy returned with a pair of jackelopes hanging from his belt.

"Up and to the right!" he exclaimed. "And it's a nice one!"

The cave Robert discovered wasn't very big, nor was it especially warm, but it was dry, and a wind break, especially with the entrance being nothing but a narrow crack with a forty five degree turn.

After a little pushing and prodding, the unicorn made it inside, but it was a tight squeeze, and we doubted he'd make it out again without tearing a few boulders down.

The roof was slanted, and two tunnels along the back wall led to smaller, still more cramped passages. The ceiling was rock, not snow, which could be a blessing in an avalanche.

We all sat down on the floor and rested, huddling against the unicorn for warmth.

Hank stared out the entrance. "It's turning dark. We'd better stay here until it gets light."

"We're going to freeze to death," Eric muttered dismally.

Hank huddled close to Sheila. "How are you doing?" I heard him whispering.

"My feet are actually warm!" she said. "Those things work!"

"That's great for you," Eric groaned. "But what about the rest of us?"

The road flare had burned out about an hour ago. He said it had been scalding hot, but he'd held onto it the best he could by grabbing it in the folds of his tunic. But now it was gone.

"That snowball fight was a bad idea," Robert said with a shiver.

"It'd probably help if you and Amazon Queen here actually wore pants!"

My fiancee laughed. "I don't know what you're talking about. I'm comfortable."

"I think your loincloth's on too tight."

Hank rubbed Sheila's back. "Your hands look pink."

"It's still cold."

"We should have stolen some quilts out of that inn," Eric griped. "Whose idea was it for us to seek out a frost giant without coats?"

I sighed. "Look, we all know DM sometimes gives murky directions!"

"The word `frost' should have clued you in."

"Yeah?" I said indignantly. "Then why didn't you grab something?"

"It was comfortable when we left. It's not like I could just turn on a TV and find out if there's a cold front coming!"

"Then stop whining," I said.

He punched me in the face.

When I wound up my fist to retaliate, Diana got between us, putting Eric in a painful headlock.

"Play nice."

"All right! All right!" he gasped. "Uncle! Uncle!"

When she let go, Eric shot me a pleading glance. "I'm sorry. I really don't know what came over me. Look, uh, if it's not too much trouble, could you please pull a blanket out of that hat? Pretty please? With sugar on top?"

I was still seeing red, but I tried.

Instead of a blanket, I pulled out a fifty foot long boa constrictor.

Actually, it only came partway out, and I intended to shove it back in, but then Robert beat it to death with his club before I could.

"Dinner," he said. "All we need is a fire."

Of course we didn't have one. So we all just returned to our positions on the floor.

As we all shivered, huddling together to keep warm, Robert suddenly stood up and said, "Wait. Caves get warmer the further you go in."

"That's right!" said Hank. "Far away from the surface, they stay at a constant temperature all year round."

"I'm going to take a look down those tunnels," Robert said.

I got up, too. "As long as we don't swim in any frozen lakes, I'm game."

The unicorn neighed in protest, rising to its feet.

"I'm sorry Uni," Robert said, petting him on the neck. "You're too big. I don't think you'll fit down those tunnels. Stay here and keep everyone warm."

The creature made a warbling noise, but it seemed to understand. Once more it returned to its spot on the ground.

My fiancee, of course, tagged along with us.

At the end of the chamber, Robert pointed down one of the tunnels. "You guys go down that one. I'll take the other."

Disaster usually happens when we split up,but I didn't expect any danger in this rather ordinary looking cave. You can't be very efficient walking around in a large group all the time, especially if there's nothing chasing you and nothing to be afraid of. So he took the left passage, and I took the right.

The cave _did_ get a little warmer, but not super warm. Only about seventy degrees, which is still better than negative digits. I think the temperature inside our windbreak was about 30. I felt sorry for the unicorn.

The cave we entered had a low ceiling, stubbly with `popcorn' stalactites. It was dark, but Diana had a magically glowing baton and I had a glowing hat, so we both could still see.

The floor was rounded and slick, unlike the dry square floors I've seen in tourist traps like Fantastic Caverns, so our footing was tenuous at best.

Diana ruined part of the ceiling by breaking off a stalactite "for good luck", but I supposed this place would never see another tourist again for centuries, so it wouldn't matter.

The tunnel narrowed, sloping like an almond at the top, and we had to squeeze single file through the passage

The passage widened, and I found myself inside a large chamber containing wide naturally formed pillars.

It hadn't gotten any lighter. Away from my hat and Diana's javelin staff, I saw nothing.

I tried using magic to get us an alternate source of light, but the only thing I pulled out was one of those dim battery powered Glow Worm toys they give to children. In the pitch black cave, it looked pretty impressive, but the range it illuminated was pathetic.

I tossed it aside.

Before I could try to conjure something better, I heard Diana shouting, "Presto! Come take a look at this!"

Giving my hat another try, I summoned one of those little yellow flattened cylinder flashlights they sold to Cub Scouts. It would have to do.

Clicking the light on, I hurried to the spot where the javelin illuminated the dark.

I looked down and gasped.

Scattered across the floor was a row of broken roller coaster cars, all painted with a Swiss flag.

"Those are from the Dungeons and Dragons ride!" I shouted.

"Does that mean we can go home?" She said this with breathless eagerness.

Sighing, I said, "I can only hope."

For the large part, the cars were empty, with not even a sign of the passengers.

"Well," Diana said hopefully. "Even if we don't find anyone, there might be some tools or jewelry or something."

"What kind of tools would they be carrying around in Disneyland?" I said.

"I don't know. Nail clippers?"

I rolled my eyes.

"Do you like trimming your nails with a knife, or what?"

That made me laugh. "Knock yourself out. And let me know if you find any jewelry. We can barter pearls and stuff for coats or something."

Diana gasped as she looked in the next car. "Speaking of knocked out..."

There, in the car, were the two strangers. A young Hispanic looking man with dark hair, and a little green creature in a Snow White costume.


End file.
